I think just making sure you continue to include them in your life (unless it is a super unhealthy situation). A great way to do this is to think about what you will want to do with your kids when they are grown and gone. Will you still want to see them at Holidays sometimes? Will you want to spend a weekend once a year with them? Will you want to be able to drop by their house once a week? Will you want to have dinner once a month? And the answer is, of course, you’ll probably want to see them as much as they are willing, but you have to give them balance in their new life, too. Parents expectations may be high. Give them some grace but be firm in your new commitments to your spouse. If you are the oldest child, the adjustment to having you marry, move out, and have kids is new to your parents too. They are navigating all this for the first time. I heard a story from a Pastor once about boundaries. We’ll name him Jim. Jim and his wife had driven their fairly new baby several hours to meet his/her new grandparents. It happened to be nap time when they arrived and they were set on keeping the baby on schedule. The grandparents, of course, just wanted to hold and ogle over the baby. Jim firmly said, ‘No. It is time for his/her nap, but we will be here for several days and you can hold him/her as much as you want, just not right now.’ The grandparents couldn’t’ contain themselves and would not comply. Jim and his wife took the baby, went to a hotel, put the baby down for a nap and came back a few hours later. This seems a bit harsh, but the message was clear. We are the new ‘family unit’ and we have our own authority structure. How did they still respect and honor the parents in this situation? Well, they were driving there for the visit and they did indeed allow the grandparents significant time with the baby once the rules were established. The grandparent/parent relationship was still honored and important. You will have conflict with extended family just like you have conflict in your immediate family. Holidays tend to be one of those very emotional hot issues that you will have to work through. It is OK to say you are going to carve out some time for your own family over the Holidays and celebrate Christmas with your extended family on the 26th, as an example. You should, however, be careful to not show partiality over one spouse’s family. Women, this is for you, you tend to prefer to spend time with your own mothers, but your husband’s family deserves equal time, too, not just on Holidays. Nurture that relationship. If you have boys, remember, you are also setting a future precedent for them in spending time with you! Circling back to the admonition to leave and cleave – in Genesis 2:24 this is for the husband/wife bond to be the new stronger band than any former family relationships. It is interesting to note, however, that people used to live much more multi-generationally than they do know. This is almost unheard of in the United States except in Hawaii where it has become more common as housing is almost unaffordable for one family and one generation. In the OT it was common for the husband to add a room to his parent’s house and bring his wife there to live. Yet, even in this situation, he and his new wife were to clearly set boundaries for their new relationship. This would have been quite essential, especially when the family was living in community. Today our boundaries may have more to do with how many times we are supposed to visit our parents versus who is cooking lunch for the extended live-in family today!