When You Want to Go to Church but Your Spouse Doesn't

You might be thinking about attending church, but if your spouse doesn’t share your desire to attend church regularly, it can be tough to navigate. Approaching this situation with love, grace, and biblical wisdom is key. Here are some biblical principles to help you lead by example and understand how to approach this challenge, while honoring your own faith.

Pray for Your Spouse
The first and most important step is prayer. In 1 Peter 3:1-2, the apostle Peter writes:

"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your life."

This passage reminds us that our actions and attitudes can have a profound influence on others, especially when it comes to our spouses. If your spouse doesn’t want to go to church, pray for them. Ask God to soften their heart and give them a desire for spiritual growth. Be patient and trust that God is at work, even when things seem slow.

For husbands, Ephesians 5:25-28 encourages a Christ-like love toward your wife:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... in the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies."

As you pray for your spouse, seek to show them Christ’s love, which can break down barriers and soften hearts.

Model Christ-like Behavior
Your personal example can be one of the most powerful tools for encouraging your spouse. In Matthew 5:16, Jesus said:

"Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

If you are committed to attending church, let your actions reflect the joy and fulfillment that church attendance brings. Share with your spouse what you learn, how you grow, and the benefits of being in a community of believers. Let your love for God and His people be evident in your daily life.

While you shouldn’t pressure your spouse to attend (this isn’t always easy!), your behavior should naturally inspire curiosity. Sometimes, a spouse may be more likely to reconsider their stance when they see the positive impact that church has on your life.

Respect Their Personal Convictions and Timing
In Romans 14:1, Paul writes:

"Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters."

This principle can be applied to differences in spiritual practices, such as church attendance. If your spouse has reservations about attending church, it’s important to respect their position. Forcing them or arguing about it can cause further resentment, creating more distance between you. Instead, understand that their faith journey may be in a different place, and trust
that God will work in their heart over time.

If your spouse is not yet a believer, it’s especially important to respect their journey. Galatians 6:9 encourages us:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

The key is to be patient and give your spouse the space they need while continually offering love and support.

Encourage Joint Spiritual Growth
While your spouse may not want to attend church right now, there are other ways you can encourage spiritual growth together. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, God instructs parents to teach their children and love Him with all their hearts:

"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

Invite, Don’t Push
If your spouse has made it clear that they’re not interested in attending church, you may want to consider extending invitations without pressuring them. Sometimes, a simple, non-confrontational invitation can plant a seed. In John 1:46, when Philip invited Nathanael to come and see Jesus, Nathanael responded with skepticism, yet Philip didn’t argue. He simply said, “Come and see.”

Find Other Ways to Connect
Community groups at Crossroads can offer biblical wisdom and guidance tailored to your specific situation—and simply just build relationships. There are options to join a men’s, women’s, or couple’s group together! Sometimes, having an external perspective can help both you and your spouse understand each other better and find common ground.

Conclusion
When you desire to go to church, but your spouse doesn’t, it’s important to approach the situation with patience, prayer, and a heart full of love. Remember that God is at work, even if the changes you hope for don’t happen immediately. By modeling Christ’s love, encouraging spiritual growth, and respecting your spouse’s journey, you can create a healthy, loving
environment that may eventually lead them to join you in worship. And always remember, your faithfulness to God’s will in your own life is a testimony that can speak louder than any words.

If you’re in this situation, be encouraged that God sees your heart and honors your commitment to both Him and your marriage. Keep praying, keep loving, and trust in His timing.